Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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