Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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