life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
