Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
