i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
