He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
