I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
