my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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