He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
