He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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