I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I supernannyed him into submission
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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