just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
