Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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