Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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