Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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