There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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