I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
