what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
