ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
