Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
