...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
