you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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