So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
