I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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