Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
