Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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