In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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