Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
