i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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