I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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