im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
