Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
