Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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