I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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