Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
