According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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