i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
