So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
