I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
