just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
