I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
