Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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