Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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