its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I skipped work to stalk him.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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