No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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