you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
