i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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