Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
