if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
