sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
