I wish I could teleport
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
